Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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