I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
