she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
