If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
