Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
