Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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