I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i love accidental penises.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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