It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
