well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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