I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
