im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
