i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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