oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
