So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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