i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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