I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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