he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
