Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
