I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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