so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just cut my nipple shaving
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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