She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
