My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
