yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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