This is not my ceiling
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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