Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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