Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My liver just broke up with me...
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
