You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
