Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
