I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize