Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
