Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
