You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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