Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize