Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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