I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
