no, he came in my armpit
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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