how can u be prego again
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
