So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
i need some magic done to my vagina
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
