Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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