I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
