just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
