nut hugger
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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