We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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