did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
