Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
ttyl tear gas
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
