Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
