Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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