DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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