I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
