Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize