I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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