I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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