dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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