I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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