did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize