im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
