with your own penis?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
