I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize