I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
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