Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
