you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Never joke about your clitoris.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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