So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Bring me that man meat
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
