I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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