I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
