I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
