sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
