I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
