There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
