So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
