you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize