she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
