Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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