I haven't been this sober since birth.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
