When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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